#idk very much a ‘I think I need therapy’ hour

[gottarunfromthelaw]

On the one hand I have alot of self restraint when it comes to me doing things that I know will eventually hurt me but also I really want to do the things that will hurt me.

[barley-st-band]

anyone else getting a little tired of the unending horror

[xyfanficarchive]

here, have some incredibly personal laios x reader hurt/comfort, written as therapy in the form of reader insert bcos i was sad today, might be a bit ooc idk man :)

————————————

“You know, I actually love when you ask me for things, when you tell me you’re feeling down, or if I’ve upset you.”

You raised your red-rimmed, apprehensive gaze to meet Laios’ eyes, clear and completely earnest as he smiled at you. Weakly, you tried to return the expression. It didn’t feel very convincing.

“It makes me feel like you love me and trust me. That you trust me enough to be honest - that you trust me to comfort you, to do better by you, that you believe in me and my ability to meet your needs, that you believe I can be there for you in a way that makes you happy,” he elaborated, reaching his hands out and taking yours. “I feel valued.”

You flitted from golden eye to golden eye, searching his expression desperately for any inconsistency, any unfinished edge, any loose thread that would unravel his perfect honesty and found none. Your frail smile faltered. He was like the life-giving sun, but you felt as though you were in the desert being beat down by his radiance. You wanted to shrink away, and your shoulders hunched. Oh that sentiment was so nice, and certainly he meant it. But that just meant it would hurt exponentially more when he was done with you, when he finally realized-

“What’s going on? What are you thinking?” He stooped his head closer to yours, and tears welled up in your eyes, your lips parted in a wince as you shook your head. Laios’ brow furrowed. “No, something’s wrong. This is what I mean: I want to help you, you want me to help you, but I can’t unless you tell me what’s going on! So please just tell me what you’re thinking!” The urgency in his voice struck you like an arrow through the heart.

It wasn’t like you could be much more humiliated than you already were. It felt like it was already over, it was going to blow to pieces either way. Your thoughts felt slippery as you gathered them as best you could, your vision starting to blur. You turned your gaze downwards, you couldn’t even look Laios in the eye as you drew a shaky breath in.

“You say that, but,” your voice was quiet, “you don’t understand - we’ll both regret it when you realize…” The words caught, you couldn’t say it.

“When I realize what?” He insisted.

The few seconds of silence felt like an hour. Then, quiet as a whisper, you admitted, with much difficulty: “My needs… my feelings… I’m really hard to deal with… I'm too much... You’ll realize I’m a huge fucking burden, and then you won’t want me anymore!!” You sobbed, and before the tears could fall you covered your face with your hands and hung your head, feeling two inches tall, feeling so deeply embarrassed and ashamed to the core of your being. You wished you could just disappear.

"You think I don't already know you're a burden?"

The words shocked and pained you so deeply you stopped crying, eyes shot up in gape-mouthed, grief stricken disbelief as you recoiled. He was fast with it. All these years, nobody had ever affirmed your belief so directly, nobody had ever stated it so plainly. You'd heard many empty platitudes that were hard to believe, precisely because in the end they had always proved you right - whatever you needed the most, whenever you needed it the most, you were always left in the dust, alone and despairing, and feeling like the biggest idiot in the world for your blind hope.

You saw his face change - he cringed, looking extremely pained, and with panic started to explain: "D-Don't get me wrong! Agh..." For a moment he held his brow in his palm, then took a deep breath, composing himself before he continued. He grabbed you by the shoulders.

"Everyone's a burden, aren't they? Just thinking of my friends - Marcille is really picky and particular. Chilchuck is way too proud and secretive, and he drinks a lot. Falin is my little sister, so I have to be there for her, look out for her. And Senshi... Well, Senshi seems to have a lot figured out already." He paused, and broke eye contact for a moment to look at the floor. "And we all know how I am..." His tone was incredibly loaded, and your heart broke because he was the brightest and most vibrant being you had ever met, having faced a lifetime of hardship and betrayal and still coming out the other side so true to himself.

He leaned in closer to your face. "The point is, though, they all have needs - and they know how to ask for help when they need it! You only ask for help when it becomes an emergency. If even then." His expression softened. "I know you have lots of needs. I know because I've worked really hard to meet them, without embarrassing or scaring you by asking. And it meant a lot of thinking, constant planning, lying awake at night wondering, asking everyone for advice... It's tiring work." He went down the list and you broke his gaze, looking downwards. You felt low, ashamed at all the trouble you've caused him, all because you tried to be no trouble at all. What a right mess you've made.

"Hey, look at me," his hand came up, fingers resting so gently on your jaw, and your watery eyes obliged. "I did it because I wanted to! It makes me happy to see you happy, or fulfilled, or relieved, and to know that it's because of me! I did all of that because I love you! But I can’t keep up with all that hard work all the time. I don’t think it’s fair.” You had been fending off the tears as you listened but now the dam broke again, hot as they rolled down your face, and you sniffled as your nose clogged up. “So can you please help me help you easier? Would you please help me love you like that?” His eyes were glassy now as he looked down at you.

The cry came out of your throat as a whine as Laios took you in his arms, embracing you tight while you sobbed into his chest, clutching at the fabric of his shirt around his back. “I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I’m sorryyy,” you repeated through the tears and he shushed you, holding you while you cried it out until your gasping, hiccuping breaths slowed and calmed.

It was hard to say what you needed to say next, because you had to admit you were wrong about something you had believed so deeply for most of your life. It wasn’t easy to fully give up the idea that had kept you safe for so long. “I’ll try to be more honest about my feelings… and to ask for help before it’s too late…” Still in his embrace you lifted your head to look up at him, and stared into his eyes with intensity. “It’s terrifying, I won’t lie. But… I trust you.” How couldn’t you trust someone who was so deeply genuine as he was?

He leaned down and pressed a lingering kiss to your forehead between your brows, and your eyes rolled closed. When he pulled away you turned your head and pressed your ear to his chest. “I want you to be happy. I want this to work. I love you so much,” he said, and you felt the words rumble against your cheek.

“I love you too,” you murmured, lulled by the sound of his breath and heartbeat.

[codenamesazanka]

never liked the childhood imagery for bnha. It's cute, nauseatingly so, it's 100% calculated to evoke easy feelings of adoration and protection and sympathy for a character. Which is fine, I'm not against it as a trope, I think it's very cute too!

But that childhood imagery was always Not Real. It takes place in the Past. It was Things That Could've Been. And here, as the official account puts it, Things From Another Lifetime.

But why not this lifetime? Why can't the hand holding and connection and bright colors and healing be in the lifetime the characters are in now? Yeah, it probably can't ever reach this level of Brightness, but it doesn't mean it's not worth it?

But Childhood Imagery + The Conclusion We Got means it was just too late. The time to save Toga was when she was 3 years old. Being 17 means it's all over. Can you save Villains? Yes, but only when they're age 5 or less. So before they became Villains. Before they even become 'misbehaving' children, actually.

So can you save Villains? No.

The satisfaction from Childhood Imagery isn't from solving the problem, it's from a 'what if'.

And that's fine! I love AUs. But I'm not reading fanfic here, i'm reading the canon manga and the story asked 'can the Heroes save the Villains' and the answer is a no. But Maybe In Another Lifetime.

Which is also fine, if we are to take this to mean the Heroes lost and failed. But that is a downer conclusion to give to your heroic protags. idk. Maybe hence the conclusion of 'well, next time then, so just keep reaching out.' But this was the first and only time in the story Ochako tried to reach out to a Villain like Toga so we're starting off not too good, with a total record of 0. Will next time work? Or will it have to happen In Another Lifetime?

(Plus also we don't see that Heroes reach out and save the next crying taboo-quirk 3-year-old. That radio blurb of 'expanding quirk counseling' doesn't count. What does that even mean, 'expanding'? Because more importantly, that wasn't what Toga needed. She needed her parents to not be so emotionally and verbally abusive towards her. She needed a mom and dad that didn't tell her 'we gave birth to something inhuman'. Because her parents couldn't get her into quirk counseling fast enough. They depended on the counselor to 'iron' out her deviancies. What does Expanding quirk counseling solve here? Expand therapy techniques so that the parents can have a quiet child that wouldn't embarrass them so much they have to yell at them that they're subhuman? Is expanding quirk counseling going to do anything about the parents who want those expanded two-hour long sessions, expanded to every day, to 'fix' their child because else they'll have to abuse the abnormalities out themselves?)

(Else they have to lock their kid in a basement? and only when the next disaster comes, the kid can finally escape and get rescued by a guilt-ridden civilian? Instead of a Hero who hasn't done their job of 'saving' at all in this kid's years of suffering????)

Childhood Imagery is so cheap to use. smh horikoshi

[torialefay]

maybe this is too niche but the most random thoughts keep popping into my head?? idk but i must share them.

these are the types of doctors i think stray kids would be, based on different doctors' stereotypes (from the pov of a medical student):

chan: sports medicine 🏀⚽️

• description: physicians with training in areas related to treating and preventing injuries and health issues associated with sports, exercise, or strenuous physical activity

• stereotype: athlete-turned-doctor. the less extreme brother of the orthopedic specialists. get to meet a wide range of people and are well-liked. very passionate about sports and physical health. dress really nice and know their ass looks great in their tight pants. probably has memorized all the stats of their favorite teams. ACTUALLY very intelligent and not just a meat head.

minho: forensic pathologist 🩸

• description: subspecialist in pathology whose area of special competence is the examination of persons who die suddenly, unexpectedly or violently. The forensic pathologist is an expert in determining cause and manner of death.

• stereotype: honestly just leave them tf alone. they just wanna do their thing... without you there, just come find them when they've figured it out. nice but also scarred forever. a little fucked up in the head but much needed. no one understands how they're able to do their job tbh. able to conjure up the most morbid situations. kinda freaky but in a respected way. you should be concerned if they stare at you for too long.

changbin: orthopedist (aka orthopedic surgeon aka "ortho bro") 🦴

• description: medical specialist who focuses on injuries and diseases affecting your musculoskeletal system (bones, muscles, joints and soft tissues). although this type of doctor is a surgeon, they often help people get relief with nonsurgical therapies.

• stereotype: the "bro"est of the bros. always talking about their new workout routine or equipment with the other ortho bros. will out-eat you any day of the week. probably has a hot spouse. will be blasting their workout playlist for hours on end in the operating room. honestly just want to do surgeries so they can play with the tools. could fight off an entire army with the amount of protein powder they consume on the daily.

hyunjin: dermatologist 💉

• description: medical doctor who specializes in conditions that affect the skin, hair, and nails.

• stereotype: distinguished and better than you. better than everyone else. can be nice, but can also be cold depending in the person. only uses the best hair products. the specialty is very competitive, but you're 99% sure they got in with pretty privilege. owns 7 cars, but their sunday car is their favorite. sells $90 moisturizer at the check-in counter. most definitely is also certified in botox and filler and will give you a discount on your injections if you compliment them enough.

han: psychiatrist 💆🏻

• description: medical doctor who can prescribe, direct, or administer psychotherapeutic treatments or medications to treat mental, emotional, or behavioral disorders.

• stereotype: actually does give a fuck about you. you can tell them the most fucked up shit and they honestly will not be surprised in the slightest. quirky to a fault. knows how to make you feel special. very #relatable. sacrifices their own mental health for the sake of yours. cannot do math. just wants world peace. mentally diagnoses everyone they meet with a personality disorder.

felix: gynecologist 👛

• description: physician who specializes in diagnosing and treating diseases of the female reproductive system.

• stereotype: will be kind to you and work for the promotion of women's health. never makes you feel uncomfortable and tries to make you feel more secure in an environment that can seem scary. has very expensive bags. their children are very successful, but in a humble way. emotionally intelligent. wishes they had more time to bake. an advocate. seem sweet, but if you cross them, they can drag you through the absolute mud. may or may not have a rhinestone cup collection.

seungmin: general surgeon 🔪

• description: doctor and surgeon who’s trained to diagnose and manage a broad array of medical conditions before, during, and after surgery (preoperative, operative and postoperative care), often as leaders of a team.

• stereotype: literally just trying to get you cut open, close you up, and leave. has 27 different playlists to listen to in the operating room. may or may not flirt with the other staff. got this job bc they cannot handle people telling them what to do. will humble you so quickly. other besties are also surgeons. has very niche interests. weird sense of humor that not everyone gets but they still have to laugh because they are scared of him.

innie: neurologist 🧠

• description: medical doctor who diagnoses, treats and manages disorders of the brain and nervous system.

• stereotype: a little peculiar, but very smart. takes a long time to get an appointment with them. probably thinks you are a little dumb, but tries to be nice anyways. hard to make friends. has an amplitude of medications that they are legally not supposed to have. their children are most definitely overachievers. would not trust you to bring an important dish to the potluck. has the cutest shoes. dabbles in unexpected kinks.

(descriptions gotten from various websites hehe)

[bosinclairsgff]

Mark and Amanda saving kidnapped reader

Warnings: Mention of traps, hurt reader and kidnap (duh)

A/n: I know this is very short but I could not think of what else to write lol idk what’s going on in my head but I just had no ideas.

~ As soon as he finds out you’ve been kidnapped he would immediately do whatever it took to get you back. He would definitely have a mental breakdown while trying to find you. Mark would keep your disappearance quiet and tell no one. Just to make sure you really stay safe while they have you.

~ Would pay any amount of money to get you back or do anything they asked. But would royally fuck them over once he got you. I think he’d set up a trap just for them and oh boy would it be brutal.

~ He would need to see proof that your still okay and alive, if he saw one scratch on you…it wouldn’t be good.

~ If they did hurt you, once he gets you back he would do whatever they did to you but to them, just make it 10x worse.

~ Once he gets you back he makes sure your alright, mentally and physically. Mark would take care of any cuts or anything like that, bandaging you up all nicely.

~ He realizes that all this would take a toll on your mental health, so he wouldn’t leave you by yourself for a while and would make sure your getting sleep. Mark well, doesn’t believe in therapy so he wouldn’t get you a therapist. In his mind he’s just as good as a therapist.

Amanda

~ She would go ape shit crazy when she finds out you’ve been kidnapped. Breaking anything she sees around her while screaming and crying. After calming down she’d come up with some elaborate plan to get you back.

~ Amanda would die for you so she’s willing to do anything to get you back. Anything at all, kill, torture, pay or some other horrible thing you can think of she’d do. She loves you so much so of course she’s gonna get you back. You have nothing to worry about, the people who took you though…do.

~ Once she knows your okay she would start working on her plan to get you back. Stopping at nothing to have you back in her arms. If John was still alive she’d ask him for advice about traps and things like that.

~ She would give you the biggest hug ever once she saw you again alive and well. You would have a few scrapes and bruises but nothing to terrible. It would still make her furious that they even touched you.

~ Amanda would do what she had to do then take you home, not letting you out of her sight for hours. She only leaves because she has traps to work on and people to kidnap.

[dinitride-art]

Au fics that i think are neat and that i want to compile into a list because im trying to figure out how to comment on a chapter of a fic but i need time to sort out my thoughts (usually for fic recs i try to rec fics with less kudos/engagement because reasons but im just gonna throw everything in this list. probably multiple fics by the same author in the same universe because thats the one im trying to sort out my thoughts on.)

the strawberries are dying by eggowlss - historical fiction and very interesting character relationships and also character exploration within the time period. I really like this one because the pacing and tone are very gentle. There’s a srt of ebb and flow to the story that makes both the time period and the characters really fit into it. idk how to describe it i just like it a lot.

in the quiet of the night (acswy ao3 series) - they’re putting those characters in situations. It’s a very good time. 10/10 do recommend. If you haven't heard of this one though, it’s basically a modern au where everyone works at a summer camp and Mike and Will cause problems for themselves, each other, and usually everyone else around them. 

si vis amari, ama by perexcri - demons and angels and heaven and hell and its honestly just one hell of a story. like ive got vivid images in my head of scenes i imagined when reading this. 

you start to kiss (and the record skips) by eclipseadventure - this is a band au with a side of a secret relationship and im a sucker for secret relationships. a bit of drama/high stakes in here too which is always pretty fun. 

End Racism on the OTW! - you and me and the horrible teenaged ghost who keeps eviscerating himself in our apartment makes three by TheWrongKindOfPC - i am also a sucker for buzzfeed unsolved aus. buzzfeed unsolved, hauntings, ghosts, yknow the fun stuff. 

into the daylight by andiwriteordie - THIS IS NOT THE FIRST ONE, it’s just the first one that came up in my bookmarks. anyways, this is the second fic in a fantasy au series. The worldbuilding is really cool and there’s magic and history and politics and i like it a lot. the most recent chapter is spinning around in my mind.

the heartbreak prince by andiwriteordie - THIS IS THE FIRST ONE. 

beneath these boughs, my devotion blooms by perexcri - this is the fic that nearly killed me. i literally cant summarize it because im still recovering from what happened to me when i read it. Did i read it in april? Maybe. Listen, it had me asking questions about things i had never considered before. its 11k but im pretty sure it took me a good few hours to read because it made me think about it so much. again, ive got a bunch of visuals running through my head. its just... so much.

sweetheart, you're so cruel by perexcri - Mike’s in a band, Will’s a music snob, they’re both contemplating their life choices. very fun, very interesting, also made me think about some things. 

keep it hush by wiseatom - theres an amusement park and the horrors of customer service. and some other stuff but basically its pretty bright (the visuals of the fic in my head are bright- like sun glinting off metal- and idk how else to describe it)

the start of an age by delusionaltogether (Whyyyyy) - this ones funny and serious at times and its got Max in it. fantasy au with prince will and knight mike and a secret relationship and a small scheme between three parties that involves a fake (ish) marriage. 

superhero therapy by silverluminoqity - spiderman au with a side of trauma and healing? it’s complicated theres stuff happening, i had a good time reading it. 

you've got this spell on me by andiwriteordie - this one was really fun. basically its a fantasy au theres magic and mike gets himself hit with a spell that makes him fall in love with will and will freaks out about it for a while.

Daydream by disaster_energy - i really really liked this fic. its a fantasy au and its got gods and stuff and will gets chosen by the moon goddess because hes Will and everyone is like... woah.

takes one to know one by andiwriteordie - i also liked this one a lot, its a superhero au and its got ironic (like... dramatic irony- i think is what im talking about? maybe? but like fun irony) secret identities. 

Love goes 'round by evil_ontheinside - conversations in a laundry mat. mikes flopping (as in, flopping around like a fish) around a bit and this was pretty cute. 

my promise could be your fiend (could be the smallest of signs) by s0ld_it - spider man au, theres a bookstore involved and a lot of stuff. ive read this fic twice and greatly enjoyed it both times. 

Tip-toeing on Lily-pads by cherryisgone - very very fun, fantasy au and... mike gets cursed to be a frog. can only be un-cursed with a kiss. 

filling in the blanks as we go by delusionaltogether (Whyyyyy) - bookstore meetcute

there’s more but i spent all day painting my room and i am tired. Ive also got way too many bookmarks to go through and i have decided to stop here. still haven't figured out how to write that comment (but i am working on it because i love the fi(s) and ive been thinking about one specific thing that came up in a new chapter for so long). anyways, i hope someone enjoys this list of au fics from my bookmarks. 

[morganbritton132]

Idk if you’ve mentioned it before but what is everyone in the Party’s jobs?? We already know Erica is a kickass politician and Lucas is the family embarrassment doctor but what does everyone else do besides bug Steve lol?

Also is Dustin still with Susie or did that ship sail away in the EMTTS?? <333

So, fun fact about me: I am not a big fan of future AUs. I don’t particularly like reading them and I’ve never written one prior to the Tiktok Saga. I think the problem I have with them is that it’s really hard to determine where a character should be thirty-odd years down the road. How or why a one-off post about Eddie being bad with technology turned into all this, I do not know.

I don’t have everybody’s job picked out because I don’t really think about it until it’s relevant to the story, but luckily, I do spend way too much time thinking about this AU so I have few that haven’t been mentioned.

The ones that have been mentioned: Steve is a teacher, Eddie’s a musician, Nancy’s a journalist, Jonathan’s a photographer, Lucas is a doctor, and Erica is a senator.

I think Argyle owns a very successful marijuana dispensary in California where him and Jonathan live and it gives him the freedom to travel with Jonathan when he goes out of town for business. Argyle just has the vibe that should not be working a nine-to-five. Also, I think that Argyle as an old man stoner with long completely gray hair is just so cool.

Robin is also a teacher, but she teaches at a university in the linguistics department. She spoke four languages when she joined the party, she now speaks nine. She’s written a book. She has a kickass rating on Rate My Professor. She’s likely the front runner to take over the department once the current dean retires next year.

I really like the idea of Max becoming a physical therapist. She had a long road to recovery after Venca and spent over a year in physical therapy just learning how to walk again. She knows what it’s like. She knows when and how hard to push her patients, and she’s good at the job. This also makes Max a doctor so Erica includes Max when she says that Lucas is the worst Sinclair.

I’m less defined on what kind of careers that Will, Mike, and El have. I just haven’t found a job that I’m like, yes, that makes perfect sense for that character. I do think that Will has a career where he can be creative and that he’s successful, I just haven’t narrowed it down to what exactly he does.

Mike and El, on the other hand, I have no idea. I mentioned before that Mike had a band that opened up for Eddie on CC’s first national tour and I imagine that he did one summer or during his gap year before college (if he went to college). El, I like to think, travels a lot and has got to see the world and be free of the responsibility of saving the world. But those two, I think, are tough to pin down to a specific career.

Now, for Dustin.

Dustin has had a very successful career as a researcher and his career has taken him all over the world. Now what exactly does he research? That’s up to you. This man is a scientist and that’s all Steve and Eddie can tell you about Dustin’s job because it’s just over of their heads. He loves it and that’s all they need to know.

Dustin and Suzie are currently not together. They have dated off and on since they’ve known each other and have always split on good terms. It has just always been the wrong time for them because when they’re together, they’re great. They hit it off and decide to start dating again, and then they just get busy. They’re both top of their field and work crazy long hours all over the world, and the cost of that is their relationship.

I think they both kinda know that one day, they’ll meet up at the right time, but for now, they’re good friends and they date other people. Steve thinks that they’re soulmates and he’ll randomly give Dustin an update that Suzie is single again. Dustin is always like, “How do you know that?”

“We’re friends on Facebook.”

[noturlondonboy]

Hiiii

Might I request even more autistic! Yelena things, they mean so much to me.

Also thanks for responding last time :)

Heyyy nonnie yknow what would be so cool- if you gave yourself a silly little way for me to know who you are so I can keep up with the convo whenever we talk about the girl 🤭

ANYWAY!! I do have more thoughts about Autistic!Yelena :DD

(I really should be working on inktober rn. But. I am not.)

-I’ve been thinking about marvel characters knowing sign language and obviously we’ve got Clint and the Barton family, and Kate by proxy, but I like the idea of Yelena already knowing it for when she goes nonverbal

-Kate and Clint are talking in sign one time when Clint is having an old man day and needs to just not hear shit, and Yelena suddenly appears and chimes in with her own ASL and Kate and Clint are just like 😟😯😦😧😮

-Kate really wants to figure out why Yelena knows it but at this point she doesn’t know that Yelena is neurodivergent and can’t quite pin it down

-Clint figures her out way quicker than she likes because he sees her having a meltdown one time and recognizes the signs of going nonverbal (Natasha, Lila, Laura maybe? Nate? Bucky? I dunno) and is trying to help and give her ways to respond that are real easy but she whips the ASL out and he puts two and two together

-Fanny is actually an esa/therapy dog and is trained to get Yelena’s meds, water, chewelry, weighted blanket, etc. and make her sit down when she’s having a meltdown and is just generally very helpful because she’s the goodest girl

-idk if I’ve ever talked about what Yelena’s meltdowns/shutdowns look like but they are

Bad

-they start mild, and can be really easy to see coming, especially if there’s obviously already a lot of stimuli, and they can be preventable if someone who knows what they’re doing is there to help her, but more often than not she masks masks masks masks masks until her brain is on fire and she either explodes or goes catatonic and freaks people out

-I’m talking screaming crying wailing throwing up levels of freak out when she’s beyond her breaking point and something small happens that finally just makes her snap

-holding her down only makes her panic more but sometimes her flailing and disorientation become an actual risk and she needs to not

-or her eyes are glassy and her jaw is either clenched or slack and she just sits/lays there entirely unresponsive for a HOT minute and all anyone can do is get Fanny and make sure she’s positioned safely and in a secure place

-sometimes she just needs to lay on the floor for half an hour until The Feeling goes away

-it’s called her floor time and she needs it desperately

-you know exactly what I’m talking about. Don’t pretend otherwise.

[marching-weirdo]

if you told me that I would draw pj masks in 2024 two years ago I would ask who are they.

gunntech au sketches cause I'm normal. also taken during ap us history so ignore random strokes :3. headcanons under more.

connor:

my trans king!!!! 💪💪

gave him scars. most are long and thin, since they usually happen when hes running

let Greg give him a haircut before he transitioned, now never not gets a Greg haircut ™️

stays up late reading, hence eyebags

I have a trans male friend who loves this au as much as I do, so he asked if he could "model" for catboy.

again, this was during class, so he was smouldering like Flynn Ryder while I was learning about Pennsylvania so you know

the more you know

anyway he's Filipino and I'm like OOH THIS WOULD BE COOL

so he's filipino american

also BIG EYES cause cat

gay (thanks romeo) but he's only had, like, two crushes in his life

one of the two kids who go to school

could care less what people think, likes to show off scars ("For the ladies!" his gay ass says)

interesting marching weirdo fact, the lines making up Connor are more scraggly and rough then the others! it's kinda to show he's an angst boy for me lol. but it's cool lore about me!!

imma be honest, Connor was my least favorite sorry!!

also ignore bad gay pride flag, I ran out of colors

amaya

Japanese american (I think it's in @elmushterri video)

oh also @elmushterri is the creator of this au so follow super cool and amazing and intelligent and interesting and-

psa out

lesbian

see Connors flag error for bad Yuri flag

amaya is super careful about getting hurt

see, El said in a qna that amaya was under a super strict household so her aunt probably would want her to shave her legs, etc until said aunt eventually gets redeemed and amaya can be her own girl boss

so I read that and said "HOLD MY BEER"

so when she was like 9, she got a scar on her cheek due to training with Connor and Greg

amaya went home and her aunt starting freaking out

idk if I want the aunt to say it directly to her or like to a friend on the phone that amaya hears, but her aunt says something along the lines of "scar" and "uncivilized" and "ugly" (I imagine what amaya heard was a distortion of what her aunt actually says but I degress)

since then, amaya makes sure to be as safe as she can and not get scars.

she eventually gets one on her leg, but she can cover it with pants

so she changes the "Don't get hurt" philosophy to "only get hurt where you can hide that scar"

so she is the most careful of the three

but she has multiple scars around her body

for a while she thought "if I get a scar on my arm, I won't on my face" philosophy because ngl she's my version of anxious™️

but eventually she realizes that's dumb.

her back is shredded due to enemies trying to cut her wings

eventually when she is in therapy and an adult, Luna will draw shapes on some of her scars and vice versa

adult amaya still gets embarrassed whenever someone sees her scares

anyway

amaya has terrible eyesight. horrible. Luna knows this

has a hair pin with a moon on it as a gift from luna (the notes that came with it said "for when you need to shank a bitch on short notice"

wears it everywhere

keeps hair long to hide neck scars and only puts it up during training or on duty

fun story: Greg and connor wanted her to get a really short hairstyle so they could be the "Bob boys"

amaya refused and greg and connors dream died

the other kid to go to school

star pupil. young prodigy.

as all mae whitman characters should be

fun fact: took me hours to do her nose.

finally figured it out when I looked at katara fan art and said "ah"

so MAE WHITMAN CONNECTED UNIVERSE?!?

also

her lines are very curvy and delicate to show her more level-headed thinking.

as opposed to connors roughness

my fav. I support her rights and wrongs 😔✊️

greg

rich kid mullet let's gooooooo

i kinda got inspired by a cross between andrian from miraculous ladybug and dick Grayson from Wayne family adventures

speaking of adrian

he's French American because of course

he grew out his hair to match amaya and connor hates him now

home schooled (rich kids smh)

because he's homeschooled, he doesn't care about cuts and scars and hurting himself because he thinks it's perfectly normal

also, he was sprayed with acid during a test (you know those dinos from jurassic Park who shoot venom? that but feral child)

incredibly buff and will hug you to the point of death

TALL

I looked and he seems to not have many ships with men

so an ally

he's also clueless so...

he doesn't actually know that homophobia is a thing

he sees two men kiss he thinks cool

two women? cool

a woman and a man? SAVE ROOM FOR JESUS

joking.hes chill

he has dimples and the biggest smile ever

for angst: his smile gets smaller and smaller as each season happens.

as a teen, his resting face is a smile

eventually resting he looks in pain

ANYWAY

incredibly smart

romeo hates how smart he is

but romeo is street and lab smart

greg tries

he can tell you about quantum theory but doesn't understand that people are sarcastic

he's probably autistic or has adhd or both

he probably wasn't professionally tested

Luna probably gave him a lizard to watch and Greg didn't move for 16 hours

also luna and greg are besties

because of course

fun drawing: very square

I wanted him for two reasons

1: he's always stiff due to being a Gunn

2: he feels like a robot: infinite possibilities but only if a button is hit

anyways thank you! sorry for long post! villains up soon!!

[nadianova]

How much time do you spend planning some of your visual novels? At least going by some of them being jam submissions, it feels like you go from pre-production to a finished build very quickly, and it's amazing how you can manage that while still having an awesome story and so many assets.

Also, what is like, the process of planning a story out for you, if there's any vague or concrete similarities that you've noticed?

i think the important context here is that if i get bored/have nothing to do i jhust immediately get really suicidal its like ridiculous how bad it gets(ITS FINE DONT WORRY ABOUT IT IVE HAD 5 YEARS OF THERAPY). so i hate being bored and want to occupy my time wit something fun whatever that is. if i have a project to focus on but especially if I'm working for a game jam i have a deadline and i just decide to myself okay i will release a game now.

because ive made a decent amount of games i roughly have an idea on my capabilities, i can estimate how long it takes for me to write a story so and so long and how long it takes for me to draw stuff i need and how long it takes for me to throw stuff in renpy. these are estimates like as in I'm not accurate with it but still enough that i generally know where to start cutting ideas since the most important part is just having something to submit. i also know to plan around my brain wanting to slam my head into a wall an my hands suddenly giving up on being able to draw.

i think thats the beauty of game jams it forces you to just go for it and release something. releasing a 'bad' game is better than no game at all. experience only comes over time and i think just going for it is the best approach there is. like its literally 2 weeks 1 month whatever of your life. if you have the time and motivation go for it. make it work or fuck it up it wont matter in the grand scheme of things

im not sure what is the motivation behind the question but i do want to point out that this is just my method (if you can even call it a method) and the only way to figure out what works for you is to just try until you find something that actually works for you

idk not everyone will find it doable/fun to plan around spending two weeks gamedev 10 hours a day just cause i wanted to fit in 100 cgs for a jam game but apparently i can do that when i cheat my stupid adhd brain into hyperfocus with adhd meds

READMORE BECAUSE I CANT STOP RAMBLING

as for planning tho i think ideas on their own are worthless and its always about execution in the end. a great idea or a meh idea are the same for me but i do still enjoy the planning process so i keep notes

like i see a great tumblr post or i see some art or visual novel has some scene that inspires me: i save that shit for myself

having a big collection of random floating ideas like that helps me easily pick from especially during a jam type duration. right now i have like 4-5 half-baked project skeletons, some are literally like 3 pictures and some like naomida are a hundred hours worth of me writing world building about how the toilets work in a city with no plumbing cause its -30celcius(i love bringing this up)=

i dont normally plan that much, i tend to just wing it. like for malmaid i seriously just had some rough ideas and just went along as i wrote

same thing for dddeviance i had a handful of scenes that i really wanted to make and knew what kind of start and end it was meant to have and just figured out how to fill the in between. a lot of plot points changed vastly like halfway through i realised my devil + angel combination was stupid and i should just go for fallen angel + angel.

i think there really is no simple answer tho (as evident from the long as hell post) i don't really have a 'process' because every single game has been worked on has come with different type of planning since I'm always trying new stuff to try and distract me from boredom. like I've been using obsidian for naomida while previously I've just used a empty discord serve as my notes app for malmaid and dddeviance

and tbh with naomida I'm running to a new problem where I'm definitely planning too much. like I'm spending too much time fidgeting with details in chapter 4 even when i haven't finished writing chapter 1 just cause its so easy to get in the loop of "oh ill just change this one line" and boom 20 mins spent playing with my notes that didn't really progress my game since by the time i reach this point the whole scene might have shifted to something else

.

but if i had to squeeze an answer itd be something like everything related to my art or writing or games is just like "oooooo that seems fun i should remember this for later" and then i just string 10-100 of those into a story

i tend to write my stories in a format of

character A does this and that

this happens here

puppy play ryona piss orgasm

new day and then this happens here

sad thing happens

more piss orgasm

the end

and just like start filling in more details and working on my story in a nonlinear fashion until i feel like i have a strong enough skeleton that i can start writing my scenes. i hop around a lot, often preferring to write the fun scenes first like ero stuff or the ones I'm the most interested in and then the rest is just filling the blanks and stringing the cool scenes together

[emry-stars-art]

Hi, soooo I'm currently studying phisiotherapy AND at the same time I'm sucker for good cuddling and soft scenes AND I have hate love relationship with scars (visually I think they can be attractive but in a lot of other aspects they just suck). Anyway so u know how scar tissue is a bit** to work with and can cause a lot of problems like numbness in scared area, decrease in range of movement, phantom pains etc. What I'm trying to say is Neil needs A LOT of therapy sessions which should contain some salves manual work with scars and maybe needle therapy which is just prettier way to say sticking hundreds of tiny needles right thru scared tissue which most definitely will hurt BUT what if during all of this they only will learn more about themselves and will have excuse to spend long hours together away from prying eyes and most importantly being soft, clingy, touch starved wholesome dumbasses with one shared braincell?

Sorry for long, boring and probably unnecessary not so much question or message as just my thought vomit I just wanted to share.

Have a great day🫡😅🧡

WHAT DO YOU MEAN BORING AND UNNECESSARY I LOVE IT

omg thank you for bringing your expertise into this, I absolutely wrote the “long hours being touch starved wholesome dumbasses” bit into my notebook lmao. Yeah! This is good!! I’m SUCH a sucker for soft moments like this I’m right there with you. I was bouncing ideas with @paradoxolotl on it and I love the idea of Day being very methodical, he might know some of this stuff already and then he goes out of his way to learn everything he needs to know to make sure Abram can still be taken care of when he won’t let anyone else touch him. Still talking him through everything. Andrew would be as careful as we all know he can be, he never takes for granted the trust Abram has when he allows Andrew to give him more painful massages/therapy, and after, Andrew’s touch softens and neither of them ever mention that he’d already finished the actual exercise/massage a few long minutes ago… idk anything about physiotherapy so I bet there’s lots of great art/story fodder here that I’m just unaware of so if you have any specific ideas I’d love to hear them 👀👀 but here’s what I did draw, hopefully it’s not too completely incorrect 😅

(Shout out to @anon-lemon for making me realize I needed to draw Andrew with his hair down 💕)

Anyway thank you for the ask, together we can make this both incredibly angsty AND incredibly fluffy 😌🥰

[autumnapricot]

Fic authors self rec! When you get this, reply with your favorite five fics that you've written, then pass on to at least five other writers! Spread the self-love 💞 because I love your fics <333

ohh, thank you 🥰🫶🏼

(warning: major yapping incoming. no seriously.)

[1] will o‘ the wisps

quite obviously, lol! this story just has a special place in my heart, for the fact that i‘ve had the ground idea for so long, all the details that went into it that for most part probably even went unnoticed to the readers but were so important for me personally, the planning of things, the way i had like a list of the details and easter eggs and everything. also, the name (not to toot my own horn) but i truly had the biggest *oooohhh!!!* moment when i found this title for the story and it just fit so so perfectly. the vibe when i wrote it. yeah, just a lot of love. also it‘s my most „hit“ fic i‘ve ever written and wow, i would have never ever imagined to get this reaction to my writing, ever. like i saw the fics from other brilliant amazing writers in the fandom that‘d get 1-3k kudos and i was like what the hell, that‘s crazy much. and then wotw hit +1k kudos and i was (still am) mindblown by that because imagine 1k people irl telling you they love what you wrote? insane. and all your guys comments and asks and i‘ve gotten some of the greatest comments eeeveron this fic, like, just wow. i write for myself because i just have these ideas and words and stories in my head that i need to get out and one day decided to upload because i thought maybe a few people would perhaps like it, have a little joy with it, but of course validation is always amazing and nice, so this reception is mindblowing for me. also i now kind of wish i could rewrite some parts of the story, do some plots more or different or just write differently, but i always hate kinda hate my fics after a while and think i could have done better. but still, so much love for this fic <3

[2] friday night; i‘m in love

just for the vibe of this fic, it‘s my second fave :)) i remember i had such a good time writing this—it was the first time i went to a park to write and i stayed in that park for hours and just…wrote. this fic. and the song makes up the whole vibe of that time of that summer when i wrote this, so. just vibey. reminds me of good times but also somehow bad times. i got a comment that said „so this is what loneliness feels like“ and for someone reason that has stuck with me a hell of a lot.

[3] shores of forgiveness

this is not f1 but motogp, which is a rather little fandom on ao3 and at times idk what possessed me to write this, but, for some reason i do like it? idek. i don‘t even ‚ship‘ rosquez because oh my god, what a fucking mess that „relationship“ or well, that whole..thing..is. but that‘s somehow exactly what i love about them because fuck me that shit hurts and i lived through the split of worlds!! 2015 sepang. the press conference before? marc’s face? i wanna crumple like a leaf in the wind and to be carried away by them so fast that not even any fleeting emotions would ever graze me again. the coldness of 2016. 2018 argentina?? bro what a time to be alive (not!!). you need to know the whole rosquez lore to understand because my god. it hurts too good. literally as of this week’s events…imagine your childhood idol and absolute hero and later friend and now arch-nemesis still going on podcasts t.e.n. years later and still shit-talking you into the ground about how you’re the worst person to have ever lived and the worst thing to happen to this sport and entire nations hate you and and and!! well, ANYWAY, back to it: i don‘t remember the whole thing anymore actually. but still third! byee (fun fact: i have a rosquez playlist that literally consists of songs to scream in the car in anger and heartbreak, and it‘s my kinda therapy oops. as you can see, i am very invested in them still)

[4] but if it ain‘t you (it‘s a lie)

idk. sometimes i forget about this fic oops. but i do like it, i like me some soft besotted absolutely gone in-love alpha charles and cutie-patootie omega max. i don‘t even like the smut of this. actually why am putting this on fourth?🤣 buuttt i also remember the car rides where i listened to the song and then just randomly sat down, wrote this in one sitting, done. i think i wrote this at work even. well well well

[5] now, i am become death

listen. liiisten. i don‘t even remember writing this whole thing. literally two weeks ago i randomly looked through my works, saw this, halted, and was like—who wrote this? me?? when, where??? when did these words ever spook my mind? i reread it and yk what, it‘s fifth. no clue what‘s going on but hey. swords and blood!

anyway waaay too many thoughts, i’m so sorry, thank you! 🩵🤍

[theenemyod]

Randomly got a fanfic idea:

Constantine basically decides "fuck this I quit" and stops doing the experiments (yay Jericho doesn't die)

Joseph is not okay with this at all, but Constantine had made his decision. He didn't know Joseph was intentionally hurting Jericho but he knew he was hurting Jericho and that was enough to stop the experiments.

Joseph still wants an Enemy of death though, and a few years later Verity Torres, a first year at the time, is revealed as a Makar.

Constantine and Jericho, as well as the rest of that apprentice group, had graduated by then, so there was no one in the school who could tell Verity and her counterweight how painful Joseph's experiments could be .

It takes a lot more to break Verity than it would have for Constantine though, she doesn't trust anyone really and isn't close to anyone, so it takes several deaths to break her. It wasn't just her counterweight, if multiple counterweights died in experiments that would raise too much suspicion, but Joseph either killed or distanced her from everyone she was close to, as well as in general making her life miserable without anything being traced back to him (starting rumors, giving her too much work, not trying to step in/stopping other masters stepping in to protect her from bullying). Him and her counterweight become the only two people she's really close to without anything being traced back to Joseph, and then her counterweight dies in an experiment and it's marked as an accident.

That's when she becomes The Enemy of Death.

Constantine's only reaction to finding out Verity's counterweight died is "good thing we stopped doing the experiments with him", but Jericho asks for Master Rufus to check what's happening because he's seen how much Joseph could hurt the Makar he's working with without them noticing. Master Rufus catches the experiments with raising the dead, and what happens there basically goes the same way as when Constantine was kicked out in cannon.

At this point no one except Jericho is really worried about what's going on, the masters think they stopped the issue by kicking Verity and Joseph out and they made some excuse to tell the assembly about why they had to leave because they didn't want to admit that both a student and teacher were doing illegal experiments in the school and no one noticed.

Idk how to explain this bit but eventually third mage war except Verity is the enemy this time

Constantine spent at least a year refusing to fight because he didn't want to fucking die, but eventually got sick of being asked and decided fuck it I'll do it fine. Jericho refused to be his counterweight for it because he didn't want to die either, Constantine ended up choosing Declan as a new counterweight because he's the one Constantine is the least scared of losing (though still very scared of losing) but can still stand to be around for hours, days or even weeks at a time while fighting.

Constantine ends up becoming closer to Declan than anyone else in his group, including at that time Jericho because Jericho wasn't fighting at that point and so his only communication with Constantine is calls and stuff, so Constantine gets closer to Declan, who he's actually around for a lot of time. It's basically petty rivals to close friends (no lovers because Declan x Jericho is far superior)

(Also update on less war related shit, Alistair and Sarah were dating by this point and Constantine is fucking jealous)

Declan ends up dying four years into the war. Constantine kills a lot of people in anger, refuses to talk to people for weeks, then only accepts social interaction from Jericho. He never fully gets over Declan's death and blames himself.

Declan's death is also what makes Sarah decide to fight in the war, and also ruined her friendship with Constantine because she knows he knew Declan was almost definitely going to die being a counterweight but chose him anyway.

Constantine probably needs a long mental health break and therapy but instead he's fighting again a week later with Jericho as a counterweight this time because what can go wrong with that?

Jericho manages to keep himself alive for a surprising amount of time, but mostly that's because Constantine wasn't actually using a counterweight but just pretending to so no one repeatedly asked "why don't you have a counterweight" or told "you need a counterweight". Jericho does end up dead, about five years after he started being Constantine's counterweight. Constantine doesn't get another counterweight after that.

Btw, Alistair and Sarah update: Callum now exists, Constantine is pissed about it and says he looks like if a potato grew in size and mutated a face (he's just angry that his crush has a kid with Sarah instead of dating him)

Constantine is not mentally stable, nearly dies every fucking battle because of his lack of counterweight, but doesn't fucking care.

Instead of Master Joseph pretending to be the enemy when the battle happened (he'd have a few issues trying to look like Verity that he didn't have with Constantine), Verity just sends a lot of chaos ridden, and the close Massacre still happens but with less Declan because he's already dead.

Alistair and Constantine find the aftermath of the cold massacre together, Sarah and Call were still in it. Verity had possessed Calls body the same way Constantine did in cannon (this also later leads to transfem Call because soul was originally a girl). They see the kill the child words and both figure it out but agree to keep the secret.

Then after that less war and fighting and maybe just some angst and fluff mixed together. One of Joseph's minions pretends to be Verity instead of Joseph himself and it has the same effect, no one notices. Eventual alistine, but slow burn because torture is fun and both of them are scared to accept love after everyone else they've cared about either died, because a devoured, or joined the wrong side.

Alistair and Constantine attempt to raise Call and act sane. Constantine isn't great with children and they both suck at acting sane.

Also Constantine still got scars and burns on his face but they were from the battles instead of experiments, and Verity got similar scars while leaving the Magisterium, her mask looked different to Constantine's. It took longer for Constantine to start wearing the mask than in cannon (after the war ended) and it was made by Alistair.

(Sort of) happy ending but they all have trauma. I might make another post with how this ends up with the actual plot of the books not just before them but not now.

[shaperaverse-brainrot]

Can you do the character ask thing for Raven?

Thank you for the ask!!!

First impression

Oh good lord. Right. Confession time. I gave myself so many spoilers as I was listening to the albums. I was scrolling the New Albion tag for months before getting into Shaperaverse looking for exclusively DoNA posts, because I was struggling to find any ones I hadn't seen before, and of course I discover the "weird narrator named Kate" had a whole backstory thing. And when I eventually listened to radio hour and had a Lloyd Allen moment of course I stalked his tag and found the Lloydven stuff.

So I kind of knew him as a fan favourite character, and was pretty excited to get to the carnival album on my listen through, to see why everyone seemed to like him so much. And. Uh. Yeah I immediately knew why. Silly clown man who was also a bit of a villain?? Absolutely sign me up.

Impression now

He's my favourite little guy to write about I love him so much. Definitely in my top three favourite Shaperaverse characters if not my absolute favourite of all time. It's really interesting to see how my perception of him has changed in the almost three years (HOW HAS IT BEEN THAT LONG) since I first listened to BotLH, but I think now it's just settled on "Fucked up human being who should probably go to therapy but is trying his very best with what he's got"

Favourite Moment

THE SHOW MUST GO OOOOON THE SHOW MUST GO OOOOON OH DAVID I AM LOSING AND WE NOT NOT WHAT WE'RE DOING BUT MY SMILE GOES NEVER WRONG

Idk if I got the lyrics right but. Honestly that bit in Raven's storytime theatre hits me like a damn truck every single time. Screaming crying doubled over in pain the vocals the vibes the everything.

Second favourite honourable mention has to be the pursuit with Sarah. Because oh. My. God. Being forced to give up your past self as you push harder and harder to save the family you have now. Aushshs

Idea for a story

I am a fanfic writer through and through how dare you make me choose between my babies-

If it counts I really want to finish my WIP on David running into William in level 5 instead of the August Sky Playhouse, and he gets to adjust in a somewhat healthy way and loosening the dam on his powers and doesn't lose his sense of self in the progress

If we're talking about ideas that aren't even wips I have an urban fantasy au where the whole Raven/David identity crisis is that he's a weird demon thing that has to unlearn a bunch of repression to like. Be able to use weird powers and not die.

And as a bonus I have to admit Fayz your Lloydven Cinderella au are some of my absolute favourite Shaperaverse fics of all time I love the way you write David/Raven in them.

Unpopular Opinion

I am. Unfortunately. So basic with most of my Shaperaverse interpretations. The only thing I can think of that relates to him at all is that I wish there was less linear time? Like the whole "Marjolein being with them for two years" and "Lloyd leavimg in a year" and, tying into Raven, him (well, Paul in the cabaret) explaining to Asha in the cabaret that Lloyd's been a doll longer than human, and later to the audience that Lloyd has been in the doll and he in the CU for a hundred years. Just... Not in my head. Nope. Time is fluid. Lloyd may have been a doll for a century but in my head he was like... Both centuries old when he died yet also only like 41. Time doesn't exist. They're immortal yet so breakable mortal at the same time. Raven was in the CU for both a week and until the universe was ripped apart by the chaostrophe. There's such an emphasis on time not making sense and then- (I'll shut up now.)

Favourite Relationship

It has to be Raven and Han Mi. I don't think much more needs to be said. If you haven't already you should check out the twitter tales wiki page and you'll fall in love with Raven and Han's relationship I promise.

Little child sleeping in my arms so soft and safe are you the only truly real I can aspire to create-

Favourite Headcanon

CANE USER RAVEN. It mentions in the podcast he takes to carrying a cane around for pizzazz but in my head he carries it around both for pizzazz and because he needs it to walk. Depending on mood and context it can be because he needed it as David and overcame internalised ableism while getting through his other issues and started using one, because he got injured by Sarah in the postie war and it was an injury that resulted in him using a cane, or simply because he gaslit himself into needing one as part of the Raven persona, starting as pizzazz and then solidifying itself as something Raven Always Used, to the point that if he doesn't have one he will struggle.

[frogofalltime]

day 4

last night i didn't get to sleep until past 2am because my headache was so bad and my eyes hurt and i just felt overall weird. i also had a nightmare. as a result i felt pretty awful and not well rested at all when i woke up.

this morning i had to go to a doctors appointment at 11:45 so my alarm was at 10am. i procrastinated for half an hour, then got up and ate breakfast and took my meds and got ready to leave the house

i got into a conversation about the word "normal" with my boyfriend which i normally (pun not intended) would've found interesting but today it made me slightly irritated (not your fault at all robin, i was just tired and stressed). anyway it got resolved quickly so there wasn't a problem, i just don't like how small things make me disproportionately annoyed when i'm tired

i was 2 minutes late for my doctors appointment but it was fine ! i'm getting a lot braver with going to the doctors by myself, i used to need robin or lucy to go with me every time, but now i am able to go alone.

then i went to the students union to buy some grains and seeds to feed the pigeons and my mother called me so i talked to her for a while. she was asking me about the doctors appointment and my adhd meds and stuff. it feels rude but i wished she didn't call me because i was overstimulated and wanted to go outside and see the birds.

after that an old lady asked me how the clothes swap at the students union works and i wanted to be kind so i helped her out with that and also bumped into my friend while i was there

i eventually got away from all the Humans so i went to the park and fed our flock of pigeons which was extremely fun like always. they kept pecking my fingers even when the food ran out because they were so hungry. and they are trusting me more and more every week, they let me pick them up and cuddle them now !

i thought i had a therapy appointment at 2pm so i rushed home but actually it was at 3pm so i had an extra hour to eat lunch and stuff (which is good because i was very hungry)

therapy was good but i felt very drained afterwards and did nothing for almost two hours. i just scrolled on my phone and felt bored.

i asked robin for advice because i was hungry again and it recommended me to cook a proper meal instead of trying to study while eating snacks and procrastinating dinner until 10pm which is what i've been doing lately. @etherealspacejelly you know me so well lmao

my flatmate was in the kitchen when i went to put my food in the oven. she was cooking a dish that has fish in it and the smell was really overpowering and horrible. i felt suddenly very overstimulated so after setting a timer for my food i went back to my room and turned off the light and did my prayers in the dark

then i went and collected my food and ate it while watching percy jackson which was Very fun ! i think i was a bit distracted but i mostly paid attention and went very insane about it (special interest go brrrr)

i considered doing some revision for my exams but it was already like 8pm and i was exhausted so i talked to robin for a while and then washed my dishes, took a shower, and got into bed.

overall i had an okay day, i did not study at all but i was really sleepy, irritable, and low on energy from both the doctors appointment and therapy, so i think it was justified

the headache has not been so bad today, and i'm still feeling thirsty but not as much, i guess i'm getting used to it

also i have been hungrier than usual, which is strange because they said Reduced hunger is a normal side effect, not Increased ?? but maybe it's because i suck at interoception usually, and the meds are making me better at interpreting my body's needs so i am more able to understand my hunger cues ? idk

i am extremely tired since i struggled to get to sleep the last few nights, so i'm hoping i will get more sleep tonight and feel more refreshed in the morning. goodnight :)